I’ve entered into a period of reflection in my life… Or had a strange dream.
For as long as I can remember, my dreams have predicated my reality. Is that even the right word? Well, to be sure, it is the right word for the feeling but grammar may dictate I look another way.
But back on subject…
My significant others have awakened to find me furious with them for dream cheating. And not in the playful way of some. No, I was honest to god angry. To be fair (to myself), I have never dreamed of a slight like this from a partner when they were indeed guileless.
Others have come back to me days, months, and even years later to bring up a dream I told them about that came true in some fashion for them.
My dream life is an oddly interactive thing. It is a world unto itself wherein events conspire and collude and time doesn’t pass the same but does seem to revolve in some weird way.
Why am I babbling about the esoteric? Because.
Lately, I’ve had a block in my creativity. Books languish as I find myself unable to write a man who expresses compassion, art all seems trite and forced, and my crochet work…
I can’t finish a project. I have many on my hook, many more in the planning stages. But when it comes to finishing things off, I have yet to manage to get even the smallest thing done.
For my sister’s birthday, I was working on an art bag. Not a bag for art but one that was art in and of itself. Except, I found myself writing the pattern at the same time and frustration grew.
For Mother’s Day, I was at a loss. In the end, I made two bookmarks. The first was passable but the second was cute enough that I wanted to keep it myself (‘Those are always the best gifts’, so say my mom).
But still, I remained stunted. I put the bag to the side and began working on a Gilmore Girls themed… something for my sister.
Then I woke this morning. My dream was fresh and a bit terrifying in its regularity. And suddenly, I felt the urge to write. You see, I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time living in a world dictated by fear and distracted by the mundane. Last night, something clicked within me and when I awoke this morning, the dream had done as dreams do and I felt, if not a release of pressure, at least the will to fight against it.
In my time, I’ve had these moments of clarity when I realized that something had to shake. In the past, when I haven’t followed through, I’ve lived to taste regret. On the occasion when I’ve picked up the thread and taken decisive steps to see it to fruition, I’ve become better for it.
So today, I’m picking up that thread.
What am I reading?
A lot. I’m a bit promiscuous when reading and rarely read one at a time. The two that jump out at me are ‘Big Magic’ and ‘Kushiel’s Dart’. I love the latter, the first is somewhat interesting (especially in regards to ideas and their travels but more on that in a different post).
What am I writing?
Ah, but wouldn’t you like to know? I’ve got a story that’s been burning to be written for years. My new mood demands I continue it. In another name, there are some things that I’ve had on the backburner, we’ll see if I get to them.
And what of any art?
I want, badly, to play with clay. I have designs and shapes that bump around in my head and they want to be made tangible only in clay. As that is not an option (I don’t have the space for a kiln, much less the resources to make/buy one), I’m going to try something with fiber.
For an equally long time (this block has been within me for… Longer than I care to admit), I’ve wanted to try a certain technique with crochet. Today feels like it’ll be that day.
Additionally, I have some pieces to finish up and publish in the subscription pack. I’m attempting to work through my stash which is not so great for this but works just fine for the crochet art.
Today’s dream was and is just what I needed: a resounding kick in the asset. I’ve come to the realization that things need to change and I must put aside my fear to do so. Additionally, I’ve been reminded of my mantra: ‘Following whichever path I like… Beaten or not.’
So up for the rest of the year:
- Finish and publish my own book in my own name
- Create some art that utilizes my love of working with fiber
- Put fear to the side and rejoin the world of the living