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With summer looming (and my thighs expanding) I’ve decided it is time to get back into the workout routine. This time, I’m not pledging to join any runs as apparently I am entirely too flaky to commit to something that serious. Neither will I gloss over the honest truth. I’m not working out to improve my health or for any other reason that would make me seem wholesome or good. No. I’m working out to perfect my pool body. Yes, I am that shallow.

Surprisingly, admitting that to myself actually improved my workout last night. Normally, the first day I get back into a heavy exercise routine after a winter of hibernating (tights and jeans hide all manner of body sins), I cringe, moan, and groan my way through the workout. I tend to end it early, babying myself as I “ease myself into my new routine”. Screw that. Last night as I checked myself out in those seemingly endless mirrors that are plastered all over fitness rooms across America, I pushed myself through the burn for one reason alone: the quest for the sexiest thighs. You know the ones, most likely not seen since high school or college days, those are the thighs that caused car wrecks and scandals. I’m sure Helen of Troy had those thighs. Last summer I had those thighs. But the combo of leaving a job that kept me on my feet all day and my normal winter indulgence program has left my thighs… Wanting.

This is the point in a blog where I usually want the author to post an embarrassing photo for me to judge with a mean spirit and a mouth full of cookies. I’m usually just left with descriptive assurances of the size of the blog author’s “massive butt” or “ever-expanding waistline”. That pisses me off. I mean, who wants to read about cellulite and other equally disgusting bits of one’s anatomy without the photographic proof? Not I. Thus, check me out.

Apparently when posing, I'm a little teapot.

I've got the handles but forgot the spout.

So as you can see by the photos, the thighs need work. I’m also looking to slim down the waistline and arms. So there you have it: what I look like today, day two of my workout routine. Tonight’s plan is another hour and a half in the gym.