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So. I’ve officially decided not to homeschool the kids. With kindergarten looming, I was faced with a final decision. Months were spent going back and forth, arguing with myself, trying to decide what to do. This decision is so important, what I decide to do affects everything. So after going over it again and again, I’ve decided not to homeschool. Homeschooling is wonderful and great but really, though I didn’t love every moment of school, I liked most of it. I became a person in school. I met my husband in school. I met one of my best friends in school. Sure, school is about more than being social. But life is about more than learning. It is about the relationships you form, good or bad, and I want them to have that. I want them to be people, away from me. I want them to have the fun and excitement that I had in school.

If it turns out bad, then in a minute, in a second, I will take them out. But I want to at least give them a chance. Though I am worried out of my brain about it all, they are SO excited. Fin will definitely be going to kindergarten but I’m not sure if we’ll send Dul to preschool. He might benefit from another year at home where he can get the attention that is usually split between him and Fin. I think he’d do well being the oldest one at home. So we’re wavering on that.

I think they will benefit from the socialization. I’m bad at socializing. By that, I mean I am practically a recluse. I am bad at answering emails (which reminds me, I need to go check my email), I abhor talking on the phone, it takes a lot out of me to make plans and *gasp* follow through. I’m trying to become better than that. My friends deserve more from me than promises to get together and then me flaking out. I’m pretty sure that’s not the way to keep friends. My two best friends are both wonderful women who I love to death and I want to spend more time with them. But that’s the thing, I can barely make myself socialize, it is even harder to do the playdate thing. At the park I smile and nod but I studiously avoid playdates. When I can tell that a mom is trying to “ask me out” (playground lingo for setting up a playdate for those of you whose world doesn’t revolve around sticky kid hands and sand in your shoes), I avoid it. Unless asked outright I act as though I don’t get the hints. If asked outright I mostly decline. I’m just not interested in hanging with someone just because our kids happen to share well together.

There are many other reasons behind it but that’s a big one for me. So, my kids will be going to school next year. Weird.

I’m totally joining the PTA.